


it's all coming back to me now

by soongyuus



Series: non!au svt | an angsty anthology [2]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, Heavy Angst, M/M, Other tags will soon be added, a n g s t
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-09
Updated: 2018-10-09
Packaged: 2019-07-28 17:41:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16246607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soongyuus/pseuds/soongyuus
Summary: Soonyoung turns to Jihoon, giving the younger man a sad smile. “I loved you, you know? But this is tiring. I'm just a fucking selfish asshole who is just nothing to you anyway.” Soonyoung inhales deeply, “See you around, Woozi.”





	it's all coming back to me now

**Author's Note:**

> hello! back here with my 2nd cup of coffee >< i decided to split this into parts and i'm still not sure how many chapters this would take but i hope you'd still enjoy it nonetheless? the following scenes would be based on the day after their final Ideal Cut stop which is on Taipei, so, whatever activities mentioned here are purely fictional and out of my caffeine-induced mind. Thank you so much for all the support you gave to the MinWon chapter. If you have any questions or request, feel free to put them in the comments or talk to me @ https://curiouscat.me/kaichens. 
> 
> A/N: This work is unbeta-ed so I apologize in advance for any spelling/grammar mistakes. I will probably release a playlist for this whole series soon. :)))))
> 
> Also, I don't now if it might be confusing but italicized sentences are either the character's thoughts or a scene from the past. 
> 
> That's it! Let's start!

_ “Who said I loved you?” _

 

_ “Soonyoung, stop being so clingy, it’s annoying” _

 

_ “Nah, I'm just really ignoring you”  _

 

Soonyoung scoffs into his glass of whiskey, scrunching his face up in distaste as the liquor slides its way down to his throat, burning but not enough to numb the pain he's feeling in his heart. 

 

Soonyoung thought everything's going well, that they are okay, him and Jihoon. That every denial and rejection he gets from Jihoon were just playful teasing, until he realized it's probably not. 

 

The look on Jihoon's face back when he barged into Soonyoung and Minghao's room almost made him want to gather the younger man in his arms. Tell Jihoon that he's just being stupid again and that he's just tired from all their schedules. But the moment Jihoon said those words made Soonyoung shrink on himself, all hope and feelings numbing away as every word drips from Jihoon's mouth. Soonyoung gulps down the rest of his whiskey, not flinching this time. 

 

_ “Why the fuck are you avoiding me?” Jihoon hisses the moment his eyes land on Soonyoung lying down on the bed. “I texted you, you couldn't even reply?”  _

 

_ Minghao looks between the two leaders, the tension in the room worrying him and he knows, by the look on Soonyoung's face, that he has to do something.  _

 

_ “Hyun-” Minghao stands up from the couch, walking towards Jihoon to hold the producer back but Jihoon just avoids Minghao's hands and walks up to Soonyoung.  _

 

_ Soonyoung washes his hands on his face, shutting his laptop close before regarding Jihoon's presence. “If this is about the lyrics for that new song, I told you I'd hand it to you once I'm done,” Soonyoung answers, feeling worn out and just done with everything. His heart skips a beat when Jihoon moves closer, but his body really wants to rest so he ignores it.  _

 

_ “Do you think is it really about that? What's your problem? You've been having your childish tantrums since that time in the studio. Still not over about me ignoring you? Is that what it is?” Jihoon accuses, every emotions mixing up inside him. Worry, tiredness, frustration and just.. why the fuck is this asshole avoiding him?  _

 

_ Soonyoung sits up, grabbing his baseball cap from the bedside table and putting it on. He's really not in the mood for an argument and Soonyoung certainly doesn't want to argue with Jihoon knowing that they're all just tired and needs some rest.  _

 

_ “Can you just go back to your room and rest? We're all tired, Jihoon-ah and you're bothering Myungho. I'm going for a walk. Lock the door, Hao hao,” Soonyoung mumbles before stepping aside to avoid Jihoon's form and walking towards the door.  _

 

_ Jihoon clenches his fist in anger. “Oh, so you don't think you're bothering me when you go all up to me and annoy me? It's okay for you to do that and now that I want to talk I'm bothering you?” Jihoon scoffs, crossing his arms over his chest. “You're so full of shit, Soonyoung.” _

 

_ Soonyoung eyes twitched at that, turning around he walk towards Jihoon, his eyes set on the younger man's angry gaze. “Did I say anything about you bothering me? Huh, Jihoon? Did I? Are you even listening or were you too busy being an asshole to even understand that all of us just wants to rest right now? Why are you even so bothered about me avoiding you? This is what you want, right?” _

 

_ Jihoon steps back, snapping out of his annoyance and licking at his lips before meeting Soonyoung's cold stare.  _

 

_ “Soonyoung-”  _

 

_ “I stopped bothering you and following you around. Shouldn't you be over the fucking moon right now?” Soonyoung raises an eyebrow at him and he looks at Jihoon with so much hurt in his eyes Jihoon began to shake from where he stands. He didn't want this.  _

 

_ Soonyoung slides his phone out from his pocket, turning it on and immediately scrolling through his messages to see Jihoon’s text.  _

 

**_Jiji <3_ **

**_12:35am_ **

_ Soonyoung _

_ Yah, kwon hoshi _

_ Can you bring some ramyeon here in my room _

_ I’m hungry _

 

_ Soonyoung scoffs, taking his cap off to run his hands through his hair. “You’re getting angry all because I can’t be your personal maid and bring you food? This is ridiculous.” _

 

_ Jihoon brows furrows at that. Is it so fucking bad that he just wants to see Soonyoung? _

 

_ Minghao looks between his two hyungs and licks his lips, fingers tapping anxiously on his phone. He had texted Junhui about what’s happening because he sure doesn’t know what to do if a fight breaks out between these two.  _

 

_ “Well, maybe if you did bring me food you would have known why I-” _

 

_ Just as Jihoon is about to give Soonyoung a peace of his mind, the door slams open and all three occupants of the room turn to who it, waiting. Seungcheol stands there, holding the doorknob, Jeonghan and Junhui hot on his heels. “What's happening here?”  _

 

_ Jihoon widens his eyes at that, looking at his best friend. He meets Seungcheol’s eyes and tries to convey to him to just go but Seungcheol raises an eyebrow at him before regarding Soonyoung with a look. “Soonyoung?” _

 

_ Soonyoung steps back from Jihoon, putting on his cap again before shaking his head. Jihoon suddenly feels cold. “It's nothing, hyung. Sorry for bothering y-”  _

 

_ Jihoon’s jaw drops at that. He’s out here making an effort to talk to Soonyoung about what’s happening and Soonyoung had the audacity to just shrug it off. Jihoon feels hot all over. _

 

_ “Nothing? You really think this is nothing? Well, guess what, you are nothing to me, too,” Jihoon mutters in disbelief, realizing too late what he just said. It is so not helping the situation, Jihoon wants to punch himself.  _

 

_ Soonyoung just stands there, staring at the floor, and Minghao watches as their performance leader closes up. A laugh escapes his lips before he's smirking. “Right. You're right. I'm nothing anyway. Just your co-member who sometimes helps you in producing songs because it's part of his job, right?” Soonyoung doesn't look at Jihoon, doesn't bother to see how Jihoon's face looks like. He succeeds on playing with Soonyoung's heart for so many times now Soonyoung can't even count. He's just so tired.  _

 

_ So fucking tired.  _

 

_ “Soonyoung, no, I'm-”  _

 

_ “Wait, you did tell Bumzu-hyung I'm your, what is it again? Oh, a pet, because I keep on following you around. Right.” Soonyoung clicks his tongue before scoffing.  _

 

_ “Soonyoung, don't-” Seungcheol warns.  _

 

_ Soonyoung turns to Jihoon, giving the younger man a sad smile. “I loved you, you know? But this is tiring. I'm just a fucking selfish asshole who is just nothing to you anyway.” Soonyoung inhales deeply, “See you around, Woozi.” _

 

_ Jihoon doesn't have time to reply and take it all back before Soonyoung is walking away from him and towards the door. Muttering a quick “I'm just gonna go for a walk don’t worry” to Seungcheol and running out, not stopping even upon hearing Seungcheol's shout of his name, asking him to come back.  _

 

_ The tears slips down his face as presses the close button on the elevator, breaking down and sobbing on the four corners of the lift.  _

 

_ This is it. He's finally letting go.  _

  
  


_ On the hallway of their hotel rooms, Jeonghan is comforting a very shaken and crying Jihoon. Wonwoo walking out of their room’s door to walk towards them, Mingyu following just a few steps behind. “Jihoon, are you okay?”  _

 

_ Junhui scoffes, looking at them in disbelief. “I can't believe you're comforting him when Soonyoung is the one breaking down every night at the practice rooms and tiring himself out just to stop thinking about him,” Junhui points a finger at Jihoon, shaking his head when Seungcheol throws him a glare.  _

 

_ “You're not helping, Junhui.”  _

 

_ Junhui just shrugs before running off after Soonyoung. He's not usually one to take sides. Him and Joshua are always the neutralizer, keeping the group's balance when everyone is starting to snap from being tired and overworked.  _

 

_ But someone needs to be there for Soonyoung. Junhui sees how the man almost killed himself from practicing until the morning.  _

 

_ Junhui is the one with Soonyoung when he passed out from fatigue and asked him to not tell everyone and just say he went home for a week. Even coming up to the point where he needs to plead to their managers not to tell even Seungcheol about it. _

 

_ This is just so unfair in so many levels for Soonyoung and Junhui had enough. _

  
  


Soonyoung’s head is starting to swim as he downs another glass of whatever liquor is served at him, laughing at his own stupid self when the liquid trails down his mouth into his black shirt. He’s just grateful there’s not much people at this time and the bar is still open. Soonyoung figures out he really needs to get back soon if the vibrating of his phone on his pocket is any indication.  _ Just one more glass. _

 

“Hey, can you ple-”

 

“No, we’re leaving,” someone speaks beside him as a figure slides on the seat next to him, Soonyoung following the figure’s arm stretch out to give a card to the bartender, speaking something in mandarin that his inebriated brain can’t understand anymore. The figure turns to him and Soonyoung squints his eyes up to make out who it is. He just hopes it’s not Seungcheol. Soonyoung is so done for if it is Seungcheol. “J-*hiccups*-Junhui? Yah! Moon Junhui!” Soonyoung yells at Junhui as he throws his arms to hug the man. “Yah, hyungie missed you!” Junhui laughs at his friend, messing with Soonyoung’s hair before hauling the man up and out of his seat. 

 

“Can you walk?” Junhui asks in a low whisper, searching Soonyoung’s face for any kind of emotion but Soonyoung only smiles up at him. Junhui badly wants to tuck him on his bed and make Soonyoung forget about his responsibilities for a while. Soonyoung leans his face closer to Junhui, as if inspecting the guy, too. “Are you drunk?” Soonyoung slurs at him and Junhui can’t help but laugh, shaking his head before crouching down in front of Soonyoung. “Come on,  _ hwangjang-nim.” _

 

Junhui hauls Soonyoung up on his back, shaking his head as Soonyoung mutters some words he cannot make out on his shoulder, reeking so much of alcohol. They would really get it from their manager tomorrow morning.  _ Or later rather.  _ He looks up just in time to see Joshua walking towards him, worry etched on the older’s face and Junhui tries his best to shrug.

 

“Is he okay?” Joshua whispers to Junhui, checking on Soonyoung’s face, frowning when he sees the redness of Soonyoung’s nose and eyelids. Joshua closes his eyes to keep his annoyance at bay. This is not the time to take sides, he tries to remind himself. They are a group. A family. They solve things. And he sure as hell will do anything to solve whatever this is.

 

They started walking towards the VIP elevator, Joshua looking out on their every side to make sure no one is out to see them and maybe take photos. If news spread out that one of their members drowned himself on liquor, alone. They would not just hear it from their manager but surely, from their vice president, or worse, their CEO as well. 

 

Soonyoung stirs on Junhui’s back as the elevator doors opened, lifting his head up to look around his surroundings but his head is starting to hurt and he’s feeling really dizzy. Junhui and Joshua waits for him to say something, anything, only for both their hearts to break once the words flow out from Soonyoung’s mouth.

 

“I-Is Jihoonie, okay? He’s okay, right? Junnie?” Soonyoung asks in a weak voice, slumping his head back on Junhui’s shoulders. “I-I did not hurt him-”

 

“Soonyoung, stop. Jihoon would be fine-”

 

“Right. Of course, he will be fine. He’s Jihoon after all,” Soonyoung muses with a pained smile on his face. Joshua stops when he turns to his side only to witness the tears starting to flow from Soonyoung’s eyes again. Joshua frowns, taking off the cap from Soonyoung’s head to run his hand on the younger’s hair. The action made Soonyoung sob some more.

 

“I love him so much. I really do. And it hurts, hyung,” Soonyoung confesses, his whole body now shaking. Junhui tightens his hold on his thigh as Joshua continues to caress Soonyoung’s hair, trying to comfort their friend. “I-He hates me now,” Soonyoung lets out a hollow laugh, small whimpers escaping out of his lips after but he bites on his bottom lip to stop it from coming out. He doesn’t need to worry his hyungs any further.

 

Junhui and Joshua’s gaze meet, both helpless and doesn’t know what to do. They both sigh.

  
  


The elevator dings and opens, Soonyoung now passed out on Junhui’s back, walking out of the elevator with Joshua trailing behind him. When they reached their hotel room’s hallway, Seungcheol was standing outside of his room with Jeonghan. Chan peeking out from Minghao’s room when he hears steps coming towards them.

 

“Is hyung okay?” Chan immediately asks, running towards them to check on Soonyoung and breathing a sigh of relief when he realizes that Soonyoung was just asleep. Joshua watches as Seungcheol pinches the bridge of his nose. “No one will talk about this later, you all hear me?”

 

Junhui widens his eyes in disbelief. “Wow, not even gonna check up on your co-member, hyung?”

 

“Junhui,” Joshua hisses beside him, elbowing Junhui and gesturing to just put Soonyoung to bed. Junhui gave them all a look before shaking his head. He really can’t believe this. 

 

“He’s the one who hurt Jihoon, he brought this to himself,” Seungcheol says through gritted teeth and he knows this is just plain immaturity, to take sides. But if this is what the others want then so be it. 

 

Chan snaps his head to him, giving Seungcheol a sad and hurt look, “no offense, Seungcheol-hyung, but you should’ve kept your mouth shut. You all,” he gives them all a pointed glare, “you all know nothing,” Chan snaps in a clipped voice. “You all think it’s cute that Jihoon-hyung is just walking all over Soonyoung-hyung’s feelings. It’s fucking not.” 

 

Chan opens the door to Soonyoung’s and Minghao’s room, motioning for Junhui to take Soonyoung inside. Joshua bids Seungcheol and Jeonghan goodnight before following behind Junhui, he has to make sure Soonyoung is settled in. Just before Junhui steps inside the room though, Soonyoung’s head suddenly snaps up and he squints at them all, looking around frantically, the rest of the members out in the hallway all watching him in confusion. They can’t help but look around as well. 

 

“Where’s Jihoonie?” Soonyoung asks, pouting when he doesn’t see a glimpse of Jihoon around his surrounding. “Is he-Is he okay?”

 

Joshua frowns at this and something inside Seungcheol hurts at the lost look in Soonyoung’s face. Seungcheol looks down, suddenly ashamed of what he’d been feeling before Junhui and Joshua shows up with a very drunk Soonyoung. He suddenly feels helpless. 

 

“Soonyoung, come o-”

 

“But is Jihoon alright?” Soonyoung pushes on, slumping his head again on Junhui’s back, sniffling. “Tell him I love him, hyung,” he tells Joshua as his eyes slips close again. Silence engulfs them all as the weight of what is happening finally settles in. Chan swallows, breathing in through his nose before letting out a curse under his breath. “Fuck this,” he grits through his teeth, kicking at the door before marching away towards his own room. That seems to set them all in motion. Junhui hikes Soonyoung up on his back, throwing a two finger salute at Seungcheol and Jeonghan before coming inside the room with Joshua closing it behind them.

 

Seungcheol sighs. It’s gonna be a week-long of rest for them. He only hopes nothing bad will happen.

  
  
  
  


The tension is clear when Soonyoung emerges from his room looking like shit and they all watch as Jihoon looks up from his seat, worry making its way on his face when his eyes fall on Soonyoung’s form slouched on Minghao. 

 

“Hey, you alright, man?” Hansol nudges Soonyoung’s shoulder, making the man sway on his feet and they all widen his eyes at the clueless boy because hangover Soonyoung is never a cute Soonyoung. Mingyu holds his breath, sipping at his cup of coffee as he watches through his fringe what would happen. Minghao stiffens from his place beside Soonyoung while everyone else just quietly watch how this will unfold.

 

A deep and scratchy laugh is what snaps the air of tension around the room when Soonyoung looks up at Hansol, one eye still squinted, probably trying to adjust to the light before ruffling Hansol’s hair. “I feel like there are elephants doing a marathon in my head, thanks for asking, Hansol-ah.”

 

Even Hansol blinks in surprise, his pretty eyes widening a bit before he gives Soonyoung a playful smile. “That’s what you get for not asking us to go out with you,” Hansol teases and Soonyoung only rolls his eyes at the younger man, shaking his head but realizing it was a bad idea when he feels dizzy again. 

 

“Oh, shit. Bad move,” Soonyoung says, giving them all a reassuring smile. “Why are you all looking at me like that? Do I have something on my face?”

 

Seungcheol coughs, Jeonghan smiles while shaking his head and Mingyu just shrugs when he met gazes with Soonyoung. Soonyoung shrugs as well at that, pulling Minghao and Hansol with him to continue walking, stopping when one voice suddenly speaks up. 

 

“Don’t worry, your face still ugly as hell,” Jihoon mutters under his breath, smiling up at Soonyoung as he stands up. Chan stands up, too but Joshua puts a hand on his elbow while Junhui stiffens beside him, his jaw locking up as he gives Jihoon a look.

 

They all wait when Soonyoung stopped walking, the weird tension surrounding them again. Seungcheol has to bite his lip to stifle a groan.

 

Soonyoung turns to Jihoon, meeting Jihoon’s gaze, giving him a shrug. “Say you’re just jealous you can’t be this charming and go, Woozi,” Soonyoung quips before dragging Hansol and Minghao away, leaving Jihoon staring at his back, everyone else has either their mouth open or their eyes widening in shock on what just happened.

 

Jihoon doesn’t know how to feel about it.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> whoops going hiding now.
> 
> y'all can talk to me here: https://curiouscat.me/kaichens


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